Well, I've done it. As 1 minute and 26 second conversations go, it was horrible. How can I feel so bad in such a short time? The basics were said, and then I ran out of words. I tried to explain but I couldn't get past "you're great, but the spark has gone for me". I can only hope he feels better about this than I do.
So in the space of 24 hours, I've gone from seeing 2 men to none. That just leaves the unknown variable that is Army Guy left for tomorrow's surf club. Other than that - I'm back at square 1. Single.
I realised as I walked home from work why I've agonised over breaking with City Boy and it boils down to this - in the space of 2 months I've become used to the security blanket that is having admiration and affection from a constant source. I've felt great about myself, because something external has been reinforcing that I'm attractive and fun to spend time with.
I just need to bear in mind that I have not changed in the last 24 hours - I am still that worthwhile person. It's just that my situation has changed.
- Posted from my iPhone
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