Of course, I've just realised, that due to my work-related grumpiness earlier, and subsequent daydreaming and general time-wasting - I've now got a hell of a lot of work to demolish tomorrow on what should be my half-day in the office - damn it!!!!
Let that be a lesson to me, not to slack so much in future!!! Serves me right!!
And now, I shall stop abusing the exclamation mark - it has done nothing to hurt me and it is unfair to over use it so.
I need to develop a tactic to make work seem more interesting. Or at least finish all of my work before I start plotting my way out of the office and into a better job ....
Thursday, 30 April 2009
Nobody's stopping me but me
I was having a particularly grumpy day this morning, about pretty much everything. One of those days when you just don't want to even get out of bed, never mind bounce around chirpily facing the world. Part of it was down to the fact the bathroom scales stubbornly refused to show me anything I wanted to see this morning, but the larger part is simply that I don't like my job very much.
Now lets be fair about this - I never like my jobs overly much - I am simply one of those people that fall firmly in the category of work to live, not live to work, but this one is taking me to a new low of dislike at the moment. I get up in the morning with absolutely no enthusiasm for it at all, and spend most of the day attempting to distract myself from how incredibly tedious I find it. Which I then feel guilty about for wasting my esteemed employers money.
To be fair to my job I earn a decent whack of money and have some fairly cushy benefits with it, but the internal politics drive me demented, the work doesn't hold my attention and frankly I have no connection to the business at all.
None of which would be so terrible if it wasn't for the fact that I can say the same thing about the last .... (counts up on fingers) .... 4 graduate jobs I've had. Which is all of the graduate jobs I've had. In the just-under-6 years since I graduated.
It's not that I don't like finance, as I do, I liked it enough to spend 3 years sitting 14 exams to qualify in it, after I finished my degree. The problem is that I don't like the companies. I've worked in practice and in industry, in large companies, small ones and global corporations. All I really want is to work for something I truly believe in that will keep me motivated, interested and engaged.
As I think I mentioned in my opening post what I'd really love to do is run a windsurfing centre somewhere on the coast, or have my very own boutique, even a chain of them, something involving one of my passions in life (those particular ones would be windsurfing, shopping and fashion if you hadn't spotted the obvious lol). But how on earth does anyone go about following their dreams? There's not exactly some course you can take to tell you how to do it. I'd need to get rid of my debts, raise capital, trust in my own finance knowledge and skills, and work like stink to find the people I'd need to help me make it work. And deep down I'm too scared of failure to try.
So in the meantime I'm stuck treading water in this job, trying not to scream at the perfect pointlessness of it all.
And now that today's naval gazing is over with, what of the rest of the week? Weeelllll - tomorrow I'll go to the theatre with friends in the evening, and I haven't been to the theatre in ages so that will be great. Saturday I'm running off to Oxford to meet one of my old uni housemates for shopping and dinner, and then Sunday will be mountain-biking - muddy, dusty and sweaty - awesome! Hopefully, I'll be able to use Monday to catch up with some friends over coffee and put the world to rights.
Sorry, not the most cheerful of posts overall, but I feel better for having a whinge. And I suppose I should be grateful I at least have a job in the current credit crunch!
Now lets be fair about this - I never like my jobs overly much - I am simply one of those people that fall firmly in the category of work to live, not live to work, but this one is taking me to a new low of dislike at the moment. I get up in the morning with absolutely no enthusiasm for it at all, and spend most of the day attempting to distract myself from how incredibly tedious I find it. Which I then feel guilty about for wasting my esteemed employers money.
To be fair to my job I earn a decent whack of money and have some fairly cushy benefits with it, but the internal politics drive me demented, the work doesn't hold my attention and frankly I have no connection to the business at all.
None of which would be so terrible if it wasn't for the fact that I can say the same thing about the last .... (counts up on fingers) .... 4 graduate jobs I've had. Which is all of the graduate jobs I've had. In the just-under-6 years since I graduated.
It's not that I don't like finance, as I do, I liked it enough to spend 3 years sitting 14 exams to qualify in it, after I finished my degree. The problem is that I don't like the companies. I've worked in practice and in industry, in large companies, small ones and global corporations. All I really want is to work for something I truly believe in that will keep me motivated, interested and engaged.
As I think I mentioned in my opening post what I'd really love to do is run a windsurfing centre somewhere on the coast, or have my very own boutique, even a chain of them, something involving one of my passions in life (those particular ones would be windsurfing, shopping and fashion if you hadn't spotted the obvious lol). But how on earth does anyone go about following their dreams? There's not exactly some course you can take to tell you how to do it. I'd need to get rid of my debts, raise capital, trust in my own finance knowledge and skills, and work like stink to find the people I'd need to help me make it work. And deep down I'm too scared of failure to try.
So in the meantime I'm stuck treading water in this job, trying not to scream at the perfect pointlessness of it all.
And now that today's naval gazing is over with, what of the rest of the week? Weeelllll - tomorrow I'll go to the theatre with friends in the evening, and I haven't been to the theatre in ages so that will be great. Saturday I'm running off to Oxford to meet one of my old uni housemates for shopping and dinner, and then Sunday will be mountain-biking - muddy, dusty and sweaty - awesome! Hopefully, I'll be able to use Monday to catch up with some friends over coffee and put the world to rights.
Sorry, not the most cheerful of posts overall, but I feel better for having a whinge. And I suppose I should be grateful I at least have a job in the current credit crunch!
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
A bit of gossip
Last night was quite chilled and organised by my standards. My friend Bridget and I routinely have a girls' night on a Tuesday night, and since she's just back from holiday in California, last night was the first one in a couple of weeks. Normally we head to the gym first for a token workout before the food and trashy tv, but she was held up in court yesterday (she's a solicitor) and I was late heading home from work, so that plan went straight out the window.
I did just have time to sneak in a run before she got to mine though, which was great as the weather was lush for it. It's evenings like that that I really appreciate where I live. In the evening sunshine the roads are peaceful and pretty, with their graceful old houses and canopies of leafy green trees. Just the faintest breeze to stop me completely overheating, and very few people or cars out to get in my way. Nice. For a novice runner though, it was quite funny knowing I had 25 mins to complete a 20 min run and get in and out the shower - just a bit of added challenge!
Just made it back in time, and avoided getting runover on my drive by a car driven by a man who cheerily waved at me. I couldn't think who it was, although he clearly seemed to know me, so I felt a little bit bad carrying on up the drive without stopping, wondering if he was one of my neighbours. He walked past me as I did my stretches by the front door and it was then that I twigged it was my landlord, Chris. For someone who normally has quite a good memory for names and faces, I always have trouble with Chris - that's awful isn't it? So I smiled extra wide and was extra cheerful as I said hi - not difficult as he's a nice guy, but seriously - why can I never remember his face???
B arrived just as I got out the shower - timing or what? I love the fact that everytime I see her she says "you've lost more weight". I'm trying, but she says it so often I tend to dismiss it now. But I love that she always has a compliment for me :o)
We talked holidays while we cooked, hers sounded amazing and I'm very jealous, and then the usual difficult task of trying to shoe-horn more social stuff into already packed diaries. We've decided on the theatre for Friday night to see Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, and a bike ride out with lunch or a picnic on Sunday, along with her boyfriend Tim, which should be good if the weather holds. I love bank holiday weekends as they just feel so deliciously long and lazy, so I'm looking forward to this one. There were a couple of other things that I'd have like to have gone along to but all on dates when I'm away over the next couple of months, although they are both coming to a charity ball that's being held next month - looking forward to dressing up as the dress code is black tie.
We settled down afterwards to catch up on Gossip Girl. Supremely cheesey tv, but I love it! You can tell the walls in our flat our thin - my neighbour Sid texted after a particularly raucous bout of giggling and squealing at the tv (it was just one of those episodes that induces cries of "noooooo - they're not going to!", "oh my god - they did!") to ask whether I was tickling B as the giggles were so loud. I should just point out that I'm very good friends with my neigbours, and B is known to be very ticklish, so this isn't entirely as weird as it sounds!
I was also checking through my emails and was delighted to find a message from a guy called Lee. A couple of months ago, I joined the dating site www.mysinglefriend.com. I'm single, but I'm pretty happy that way, an independent kind of gal and all that, but it does annoy me sometimes that living in a small town with a big group of friends, means you don't really have any excuse to meet new people. So MSF was my solution to that. Anyway, Lee and I chatted a bit at the beginning of the year and a potential date was proposed, but then I left the site for a couple of months and it appears so did he. Long story short, I rejoined last week, and thought I'd drop him a message to see what was new with him and he replied. Who knows if that means anything but his messages make me laugh, so we shall see.
I did just have time to sneak in a run before she got to mine though, which was great as the weather was lush for it. It's evenings like that that I really appreciate where I live. In the evening sunshine the roads are peaceful and pretty, with their graceful old houses and canopies of leafy green trees. Just the faintest breeze to stop me completely overheating, and very few people or cars out to get in my way. Nice. For a novice runner though, it was quite funny knowing I had 25 mins to complete a 20 min run and get in and out the shower - just a bit of added challenge!
Just made it back in time, and avoided getting runover on my drive by a car driven by a man who cheerily waved at me. I couldn't think who it was, although he clearly seemed to know me, so I felt a little bit bad carrying on up the drive without stopping, wondering if he was one of my neighbours. He walked past me as I did my stretches by the front door and it was then that I twigged it was my landlord, Chris. For someone who normally has quite a good memory for names and faces, I always have trouble with Chris - that's awful isn't it? So I smiled extra wide and was extra cheerful as I said hi - not difficult as he's a nice guy, but seriously - why can I never remember his face???
B arrived just as I got out the shower - timing or what? I love the fact that everytime I see her she says "you've lost more weight". I'm trying, but she says it so often I tend to dismiss it now. But I love that she always has a compliment for me :o)
We talked holidays while we cooked, hers sounded amazing and I'm very jealous, and then the usual difficult task of trying to shoe-horn more social stuff into already packed diaries. We've decided on the theatre for Friday night to see Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, and a bike ride out with lunch or a picnic on Sunday, along with her boyfriend Tim, which should be good if the weather holds. I love bank holiday weekends as they just feel so deliciously long and lazy, so I'm looking forward to this one. There were a couple of other things that I'd have like to have gone along to but all on dates when I'm away over the next couple of months, although they are both coming to a charity ball that's being held next month - looking forward to dressing up as the dress code is black tie.
We settled down afterwards to catch up on Gossip Girl. Supremely cheesey tv, but I love it! You can tell the walls in our flat our thin - my neighbour Sid texted after a particularly raucous bout of giggling and squealing at the tv (it was just one of those episodes that induces cries of "noooooo - they're not going to!", "oh my god - they did!") to ask whether I was tickling B as the giggles were so loud. I should just point out that I'm very good friends with my neigbours, and B is known to be very ticklish, so this isn't entirely as weird as it sounds!
I was also checking through my emails and was delighted to find a message from a guy called Lee. A couple of months ago, I joined the dating site www.mysinglefriend.com. I'm single, but I'm pretty happy that way, an independent kind of gal and all that, but it does annoy me sometimes that living in a small town with a big group of friends, means you don't really have any excuse to meet new people. So MSF was my solution to that. Anyway, Lee and I chatted a bit at the beginning of the year and a potential date was proposed, but then I left the site for a couple of months and it appears so did he. Long story short, I rejoined last week, and thought I'd drop him a message to see what was new with him and he replied. Who knows if that means anything but his messages make me laugh, so we shall see.
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
Welcome to Chaos
I am officially a disaster. Chaos, disorganisation and a general ability to over-complicate everything seem to pervade most aspects of my life.
So life is often interesting, fairly eventful and never simple. If some people lead a gilded life and fall on their feet at every opportunity, I'm more the sort of person that would survive the long descent from the cliff to the bottom, but probably in the most inelegant scramble and with lots of bruises along the way.
So this is me - small town girl, lived in the big city for a while, now back in the small town by choice, but don't really know where I want to be. I'm a qualified professional, following several years of hard work to gain that title, but I think I'd gladly give it up in a moment to go and live by the sea and run a wind-surfing club, or run my own little girly boutique full of pretty, pretty things. But I'm definitely too scared to do that.
I'm pathetic with my own money and manage to tie myself in all kinds of knots with it - kind of ironic for someone who makes a living out of managing other peoples, and does it pretty well.
I'm late for pretty much everything - apart from the rare times when I'm insanely early and wonder what to do with myself.
I have lots of great friends - more than I could shake the proverbial stick at, but still can't help feeling insecure at times that they may not like me. Neuroses, I have plenty of them!
I'm a daydreamer, I'm clumsy, I'm adventurous and easily bored.
And if you're still reading this and haven't started hurling things at the screen yet - welcome to my world.
So life is often interesting, fairly eventful and never simple. If some people lead a gilded life and fall on their feet at every opportunity, I'm more the sort of person that would survive the long descent from the cliff to the bottom, but probably in the most inelegant scramble and with lots of bruises along the way.
So this is me - small town girl, lived in the big city for a while, now back in the small town by choice, but don't really know where I want to be. I'm a qualified professional, following several years of hard work to gain that title, but I think I'd gladly give it up in a moment to go and live by the sea and run a wind-surfing club, or run my own little girly boutique full of pretty, pretty things. But I'm definitely too scared to do that.
I'm pathetic with my own money and manage to tie myself in all kinds of knots with it - kind of ironic for someone who makes a living out of managing other peoples, and does it pretty well.
I'm late for pretty much everything - apart from the rare times when I'm insanely early and wonder what to do with myself.
I have lots of great friends - more than I could shake the proverbial stick at, but still can't help feeling insecure at times that they may not like me. Neuroses, I have plenty of them!
I'm a daydreamer, I'm clumsy, I'm adventurous and easily bored.
And if you're still reading this and haven't started hurling things at the screen yet - welcome to my world.
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